I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
