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Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
