So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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