I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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