I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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