there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Two words: nipple clamps
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