u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Too much gin, very little bucket
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
