It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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