As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
