when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Randomize
