my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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