listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
As shirtless as possible
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
