My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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