well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
