Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Randomize
