my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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