I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
