he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
