Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
