my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
