at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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