She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
