I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
