As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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