I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Randomize
