you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
