My sheets look like a crime scene.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Randomize
