Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
