i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
This is the high leading the old right now
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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