Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
