I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Randomize
