clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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