she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
