god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
