I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
