first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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