VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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