Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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