somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
