i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
