Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
