Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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