Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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