How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
