C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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