I think im going to throw up on grandma
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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