I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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