There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
