i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
