If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
he puts the penis in happiness.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
the day after is always just damage control
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
whose ass print is on the piano?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Randomize
