Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
