I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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