well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
