Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
