I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
No I am not eating basil off your cock
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
