oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
