i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
